Are you willing to be wrong?

Guess what? I fucked up. In fact i’ve been fucking up my entire life- and its the best thing that I could have ever done. Here's the thing, some people are born with natural talents and abilities. Remember that kid in your highschool biology class that got A’s on every test even though he was constantly sleeping, making a ruckus or writing the essay for AP english? Or that neighbor that was two years younger then you yet surpassed your 2 year piano development in sixth months after beginning lessons.

Well in a society that praises “success” through linear achievement, and punishes mistakes, it can keep people from fully being able to realize their natural gifts, talents and abilities. We are all born with a unique design, an innate geometry of sorts that when realigned with gives way to genius. We are inundated day in and day out by external “authorities”, experts and gurus. Conflicting schools of thought, dogma, and hierarchical structures. Over the past two years this reality that we’ve been operating in has begun to crack. Structures that are not built in integrity are crumbling and instead of allowing the decay to happen we try to seal the cracks with glue, bringing things back to “normal”. Life is constantly evolving, new ages are born, and as humanity and global ecosystem adaptation is needed to create new structures. Technology and advancement is not necessarily “bad”, in fact it works until it doesn’t. Think of this in relation to your own life. Think of the times that you’ve lied to your parents, when you’ve been in a job that never really fit, were they all for nothing? No and in fact many of them made it possible for you to realize that there must be a place, a garden that would allow you to thrive as yourself. 

Truth is the only thing we can ever really be good at is being ourselves. To self “actualize” means going through the fermentation process of our life evolution. We are conditioned in order to become wise about the things that we are not, but letting go, the dissolving of identity is not for the faint of heart. Each spring flowers bloom, but they must die to nourish the soil, remineralize to roots so that in the next cycle it can grow even deeper and more established than when the seed was first planted.

My life has been a series of mistakes and when I’m open to receiving the lessons, they have added so much richness, grit and character. 

I’ve been in psych wards, fallen for scams that left me penniless, been cheated on, have gone to court for shoplifting, have been homeless, have had life threatening injuries, failed businesses, developed health disorders due to trying to do things right…. The list could go on but my curiosity has been the greatest teacher. Mental illness deepened my understanding that wellness is not just physical and that isolating things to fix creates even wider fractions. Scams that promised wealth, and even shoplifting showed my desire for stability but the fear of death, low self worth, and lies that wellness was for the privileged rather then a birthright. Being cheated on taught me that to love another had to begin with the depth I had in loving myself, and ability to create boundaries. Creating businesses led me to creatively being able to follow curiosities, learn, and discover what work really lit me up and which were just being held onto in order to “prove” my self/ability to care for myself. Confusion has led me to the realization that there literally is no right/wrong, everything is process and that perfection is the killer of creativity and love.

If there is a hole in the ground, some build bridges, some walk around, I choose to jump-in, from this place I can crawl out with a piece of gold and a story everyone is eagar to hear. I have learned to hear my intuition and know which holes may have gold, and which are not worth my time/energy. My gift is my ability to persevere, to know what is worth struggling for, and finding purpose through the heart which always leads to nourishment.

I used to be so jealous of how some seem to glide through life, how some can study and integrate what they’ve read in books with ease, or their confident sense of self. As time passes I see myself in all the shadows and the gifts, I have an apt ability to guide people to their passions and initiate them on their journey through the pathless forest.

I’ve often been in a place of asking: why me? Why do I have to always touch the things others are smart enough not to? (HELLO VICTIM!) But then I realized this is the characteristics of a citizen scientist, something in my soul that wants to see if the facts hold up, or if there is room for invention.

Some may see it as reckless or irresponsible, some may see it as inconsistent and stubbornness. When I find the gold that we have been led to believe does not exist however, I am eager to share with others on how they can find it too. 

And so I ask again, are you willing to be wrong? Are you willing to let go of what you’ve been conditioned to believe is virtuous? Are you willing to let others hold their truth and still be in a place where you don’t self abandon? Are you hungry enough to leave the comforts of the known and open your heart to the potential wildness of what it means to be a human now?

Your gifts are needed, your intuition a compass. As we realize there are no sides but an earth wide family, there is potential for fear to be absorbed with love. Personal sovereignty will be honored, and give way to a new birth of nurturance and desire to serve rather then obligation. When we come into our truth, things outside of us are no longer personal, they become curiosities and awareness rather than judgements. There will still be things that you don’t agree with, but the need to proclaim and ridicule will no longer be needed. There is nothing to fear, nothing to prove.

There's no amount of reading, or philosophizing we can do to create change until of course we embody the wisdom. We were built to have bare feet on the ground and paint brushes on canvases.

Nothing is more nourishing to me than helping others discover things they never knew could be possible. As a guide, a teacher, a human sister, and someone who is also eager to know how the other sees, and feels the world. I am hear to serve and nourish all that is.

Sending love and blessings.