Waking up to Dreaming

I written and taught much over the years about health, nutrition, the healing we can receive when we cultivate a deeper relationship to nature. Just days prior to global lockdowns I had wrapped up leading a retreat in Guatemala which we named Root Down, Rise Up. Ten beautiful souls joined on this week long journey to embody the elements, reconnect with nature, to source, to self and to the ever inspiring land, people and culture of Guatemala. There really was an alchemy that happened with the participants and watching their transformation was the most rewarding experience that shifted and transformed me even more. I realized that in teaching I was taught, that in listening I was given space to be held. Little did I understand what was to come in the months that followed. I decided to stay in Guatemala for a week before heading to France to work at another retreat center when a friend invited me for a celebratory two day hike up Fuego and Acatenango Volcanos. It was through the tretours hike, slipping down volcanic stony trails, heat, wind and cold that we reached the summit of both volcanos. Those moments of watching lava blast, the roaring rumble that was felt and heard from the belly of the beast, that I felt my smallness as well as my expansiveness. I cried at the beauty, at the power, and the majesty that I was witnessing. Again transformed. Upon our decent the world had shifted- borders closed, public transport closed, curfews in place, Guatemala responded in a matter of days that were for me and my climbing companions a space in no time. 

For the next three months my world was shattered, my savings gone, clients fell off, the farthest i’ve ever felt from my family, my health deteriorating. I lost faith, I lost belief, I lost trust, and I lost myself bringing into question everything that I perceived I was. But what mattered still remained. My desire to grow, my desire to continue on, my desire to hold my nephews in my arms, my desire to live with such love and abandon everyday that even the challenges would become points of joy. A death like non-other, a death to other. Miraculously a window of opportunity to fly to the states was open, and despite my fear of returning, of having the flight canceled and of spending nearly $2000 on a ticket, I took the chance. And I landed, to open arms and open hearts, for the first time really appreciating having a family, truly grateful for the privilege of what I was born into, and a realization that there was still much to be met and healed.

My body was in dismay- wild parasites I had picked up causing a whole slew of symptoms from exhaustion, to rashes, and boils. Little by little i’ve healed, tuning into what my body needs in its current cycle. Plenty of rest, structured water, ground in nature, healing touch, wild food and herbs, daily self reiki, sauna, friendships/ companionship, surrender to the need to control what is indeed impossible to do so and dance.

Everyday I thank nature which my body is a part of for the healing that it is bringing me, for the gift in the difficulty, and the wisdom that all that is needed is found within and what is not is mirrored through friends, the planets and plants. By sharing stories we heal, and when we listen to others with unconditional understanding and love they heal- Now the earth is asking you to participate in her healing, as we can never fully do so if she does not. We each have gifts that can bring us into a collective alignment- just as the organelles of a single cell we make up specific aspects that are needed for vitality of the planet. The earth is a cell, the planets organs, the space between the interstitial fluid that conducts electromagnetic fields of connection. So now take a pause and listen. What is it that your heart truly desires? What would the world look like if you could create it with you intuitive imagination? What solution, what creations would you bring into manifestation?

Do not focus of the blocks but witness them as a detour. When there is a road closure you do not give up on reaching your destination but instead create a new path. Do not be too attach to what the mind thinks things should look like, for often the journey is much more adventurous then we could have dreamed. We can think only what we have witnessed but we can dream an expanded world at any moment. Remember to the times as a child- the games you played, the friends you “imagined”, the worlds you traveled to. Maybe we are in a collective dreaming and going through a bit of crisis where the characters are all waking up to the fact that the masks they created through the ego have turned into real masks manifested to cover everything but the eyes. The eyes speak truth, they are the seed to the soul, witness them in everybody you see. Perceive through the heart. And the pandemic- perhaps we’ve dreamed this into being as the most clear indication that we’ve complete forgotten the ground in which we stand, that the heart that beats in you is the same as all sentient beings. We are one, and this is a global awareness of this connection. Some will choose to resist, to go back to the comfort of their conditioned caves, and still others will choose the path of the unknown, the reckoning and emptying out of everything their ego attaches to for certainty of who they are. 

We are no one except One. We are source, we are god, we are free and sovereign beings. When we see the illusion of fear and separateness in each moment we can choose to pivot- because in a dream you can be whoever you truly want to be and magnetize to you all the experience that character would encounter. Embrace YOU, realize that homogeny is the death of all and that diversity is what creates the resilience of the entire ecosystem. Life is Zen, and so it is.